Jokes

Husband: Did u have any boyfriend before our marriage? After 2 minutes of silence… Main is khamoshi ko kya samjhu? Wife: I am still counting… ******************** Q: Why is sex similar to shaving? A: Well, because no matter how well you do it today, Tomorrow you have to do it again. ******************** Teacher: Soch or Veham me kya fark hai..? Pappu: Aap ki Beti Sweet & Sexy hai, Ye hamari Soch hai or Wo hamare hathon se bach jayegi Ye Aap ka Veham hai. ******************** Q: Lesbian kisko kehte hain?…

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Kamasutra

The Kama Sutra (Sanskrit: कामसूत्र About this sound pronunciation , Kāmasūtra) is an ancient Indian Hindu text written by Vātsyāyana. It is widely considered to be the standard work on human sexual behaviour in Sanskrit literature. A portion of the work consists of practical advice on sexual intercourse.It is largely in prose, with many inserted anustubh poetry verses. “Kāma” which is one of the four goals of Hindu life, means desire including sexual desire, the latter being the subject of the textbook, and “sūtra” literally means a thread or line…

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Does she have a boyfriend? asks the doctor

A doctor drives by a small town. He stops at a gas station and notices there is no one there. A little kid passes by and tells him the gas station is closed because everyone is at the funeral of the owner’s daughter. Since he was out of gas, he decided to stay for the night and goes to the funeral. When he gets there he goes in and looks at the open casket and notices that something is wrong. He tells the father: Sir, I am a doctor and…

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She smiles wickedly and says darling

A newly wed couple are out at a bar having a drink on their honeymoon. The wife offers to make her husband a drink and asks the bartender to give a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys’ Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice. She then asks her husband to first put some salt in his mouth, then immediately take the shot of Baileys’ with the shot of lime juice and hold it and count to 3 before drinking it down. The husband does that and within a second…

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If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide sex!

At the regular Sunday morning service, Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, *”If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!”* The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer,…

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Hey Grandpa, the bull is fucking the cow

Johnny races into the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Grandpa, “Hey Grandpa, the bull is fucking the cow!” Grandpa informs Johnny that he won’t tolerate this sort of playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to informhim about such things, he should say something like “The bull is surprising the cow.” A few weeks later, Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again he comes racing in and yells, “Grandpa, the bull is surprising the cows.” Grandpa says to Johnny, “I’m pleased to hear…

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Comdey one liners

AFRICAN PROVERBS ⭕ 1. The anger of a penis doesn’t destroy the vagina. ⭕ 2. There’s no virgin in a maternity ward. ⭕ 3. A child can play with it’s mother’s breasts but not with the father’s testicles. ⭕ 4. The man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corn by the road side have the same problem. ⭕ 5. When you see a woman sitting with her legs open, never tell her to close them, because you do not know her source of fresh air. ⭕…

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I’m no longer virgin

The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell you people” Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”, and she begins to cry. A long silence again. And then… The father screams at his wife, “It’s your fault! Always dressed and made up like a whore! Do you think you are setting a good example for your daughter? Wallowing the whole day on the sofa, exposing your…

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Teacher and Student

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3. The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she’s in Primary 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to…

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Teacher and Student

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3. The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she’s in Primary 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to…

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