If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide sex!

At the regular Sunday morning service, Rev Roberto announced that he was planning to leave for a larger church that would pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular. Colin, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims, *”If Rev Roberto stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!”* The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Daniel, a successful businessman and lawyer,…

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Hey Grandpa, the bull is fucking the cow

Johnny races into the farmhouse and yells excitedly to his Grandpa, “Hey Grandpa, the bull is fucking the cow!” Grandpa informs Johnny that he won’t tolerate this sort of playground language on his farm and that in future if Johnny wants to informhim about such things, he should say something like “The bull is surprising the cow.” A few weeks later, Johnny is again visiting the farm. Once again he comes racing in and yells, “Grandpa, the bull is surprising the cows.” Grandpa says to Johnny, “I’m pleased to hear…

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Comdey one liners

AFRICAN PROVERBS ⭕ 1. The anger of a penis doesn’t destroy the vagina. ⭕ 2. There’s no virgin in a maternity ward. ⭕ 3. A child can play with it’s mother’s breasts but not with the father’s testicles. ⭕ 4. The man who marries a beautiful woman and the farmer who grows corn by the road side have the same problem. ⭕ 5. When you see a woman sitting with her legs open, never tell her to close them, because you do not know her source of fresh air. ⭕…

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I’m no longer virgin

The family is at the dining table. The little 10-year-old girl does not eat and has her nose in her plate…. After a few moments, she says, “I’ve something to tell you people” Silence around the table. “I’m no longer virgin”, and she begins to cry. A long silence again. And then… The father screams at his wife, “It’s your fault! Always dressed and made up like a whore! Do you think you are setting a good example for your daughter? Wallowing the whole day on the sofa, exposing your…

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Teacher and Student

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3. The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she’s in Primary 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to…

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Teacher and Student

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3. The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she’s in Primary 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to…

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Funny mistakes in newspaper classifieds

These four classified ads appeared in a Gujarati newspaper on four Consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day’s mistake. MONDAY: *For sale – SK Shah has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 92555-00707 after 7PM and ask for Mrs. Mani who lives with him cheap.* TUESDAY: *Notice: We regret having erred in SK Shah’s ad yesterday. It should have read – ‘One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 2555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Mani, who lives with him after 7PM.’* WEDNESDAY: *Notice: SK Shah has…

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Always give clear instructions

A Postman was retiring after 35 years of service. The towns people appreciated his work and presented him different gifts. In one house a young lady took him to her bedroom gave him good sex, a good lunch and $5. The Postman was very happy and asked “But why the $5 “? Lady : “Actually yesterday I asked my husband what to present you”? He said “Fuck him, just give him $5 ” “But the lunch was my idea.” MANAGEMENT LESSON : Always give clear instructions .. .. ..

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Sex After Death

Sex After Death, A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Manijeh……..Manijeh” “Is that you, Hoshi?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “That’s wonderful! What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then…

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ARROGANCE OF Being over 50

ARROGANCE OF Being over 50 ” Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store. I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home. I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open. She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window. With her bra-less…

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